Two and a Half Men
2003 - Present (262 episodes)
Charlie is a well-to-do bachelor with a house at the beach, a Jaguar in the front, and an easy way with women. His casual Malibu lifestyle is interrupted when his tightly wound brother Alan, who's facing a divorce, and his son Jake, come to live with him. Together, these two and a half men confront the challenges of growing up; finally. Complicating matters are the brothers' self-obsessed, controlling mother, Evelyn, Alan's estranged wife, Judith and Charlie's crazy neighbor Rose, who wants to be a part of his life and is willing to do anything to be around. After the death of his brother, Alan Harper meets and befriends a lonely young man named Walden Schmidt who turns out to be a billionaire. Unable to afford his brother's home, Alan sells Walden the house, and as a way of showing his gratitude, Walden allows Alan and his son Jake to move in with him.
Network: CBS
Season 1
(3 of 24 available)
01. Pilot (Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal)
23 Sep 2003 In processing queue...
02. Big Flappy Bastards
30 Sep 2003 In processing queue...
03. Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
07 Oct 2003 In processing queue...
04. If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
14 Oct 2003 In processing queue...
05. The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up with a Hump
21 Oct 2003 Watch Episode
06. Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
28 Oct 2003 In processing queue...
07. If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
04 Nov 2003 In processing queue...
08. Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snootful
11 Nov 2003 In processing queue...
09. Phase One, Complete
18 Nov 2003 In processing queue...
10. Merry Thanksgiving
25 Nov 2003 In processing queue...
11. Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
16 Dec 2003 In processing queue...
12. Camel Filters + Pheromones
06 Jan 2004 Watch Episode
13. Sarah Like Puny Alan
14 Jan 2004 In processing queue...
14. I Can't Afford Hyenas
03 Feb 2004 In processing queue...
15. Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
10 Feb 2004 In processing queue...
16. That Was Saliva, Alan
17 Feb 2004 In processing queue...
17. Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
24 Feb 2004 In processing queue...
18. An Old Flame With a New Wick
02 Mar 2004 In processing queue...
19. I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
23 Mar 2004 In processing queue...
20. Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
20 Apr 2004 In processing queue...
21. No Sniffing, No Wowing
04 May 2004 In processing queue...
22. My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
11 May 2004 In processing queue...
23. Just Like Buffalo
18 May 2004 Watch Episode
24. Can You Feel My Finger?
25 May 2004 In processing queue...
Season 2
(0 of 24 available)
Season 3
(3 of 24 available)
01. Weekend In Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts
20 Sep 2005 In processing queue...
02. Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover
27 Sep 2005 Watch Episode
03. Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark
04 Oct 2005 In processing queue...
04. Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs
11 Oct 2005 In processing queue...
05. We Called It Mr. Pinky
18 Oct 2005 In processing queue...
06. Hi, Mr. Horned One
25 Oct 2005 In processing queue...
07. Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop
08 Nov 2005 In processing queue...
08. That Voodoo That I Do Do
15 Nov 2005 Watch Episode
09. Madame and Her Special Friend
22 Nov 2005 In processing queue...
10. Something Salted and Twisted
29 Nov 2005 In processing queue...
11. Santa's Village of the Damned
20 Dec 2005 In processing queue...
12. That Special Tug
10 Jan 2006 In processing queue...
13. Humiliation is a visual medium
24 Jan 2006 In processing queue...
14. Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded
07 Feb 2006 Watch Episode
15. My Tongue is Meat
28 Feb 2006 In processing queue...
16. Ergo, the Booty Call
07 Mar 2006 In processing queue...
17. The Unfortunate Little Schnauser
14 Mar 2006 In processing queue...
18. The Spit-Covered Cobbler
21 Mar 2006 In processing queue...
19. Golly Moses, She's a Muffin
11 Apr 2006 In processing queue...
20. Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro
25 Apr 2006 In processing queue...
21. And the Plot Moistens
02 May 2006 In processing queue...
22. Just Once With Aunt Sophie
09 May 2006 In processing queue...
23. Arguments for the Quickie
16 May 2006 In processing queue...
24. That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite
23 May 2006 In processing queue...
Season 4
(1 of 24 available)
01. Working for Caligula
19 Sep 2006 In processing queue...
02. Who's Vod Kanockers?
26 Sep 2006 In processing queue...
03. The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress
03 Oct 2006 In processing queue...
04. A Pot Smoking Monkey
10 Oct 2006 In processing queue...
05. A Live Woman of Proven Fertility
17 Oct 2006 In processing queue...
06. Apologies for the Frivolity
24 Oct 2006 In processing queue...
07. Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head
07 Nov 2006 In processing queue...
08. Release the Dogs
14 Nov 2006 In processing queue...
09. Corey's Been Dead for an Hour
21 Nov 2006 In processing queue...
10. Kissing Abe Lincoln
28 Nov 2006 In processing queue...
11. Walnuts and Demerol
12 Dec 2006 In processing queue...
12. Castrating Sheep in Montana
09 Jan 2007 In processing queue...
13. Don't Worry, Speed Racer
23 Jan 2007 In processing queue...
14. That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami
06 Feb 2007 In processing queue...
15. My Damn Stalker
13 Feb 2007 In processing queue...
16. Young People Have Phlegm Too
20 Feb 2007 Watch Episode
17. I Merely Slept with a Commie
27 Feb 2007 In processing queue...
18. It Never Rains in Hooterville
20 Mar 2007 In processing queue...
19. Smooth as a Ken Doll
10 Apr 2007 In processing queue...
20. Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot
17 Apr 2007 In processing queue...
21. Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous
24 Apr 2007 In processing queue...
22. Mr. McGlue's Feedbag
01 May 2007 In processing queue...
23. Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin
08 May 2007 In processing queue...
24. Prostitutes and Gelato
15 May 2007 In processing queue...
Season 5
(1 of 19 available)
01. Large Birds, Spiders and Mom
25 Sep 2007 In processing queue...
02. Media Room Slash Dungeon
02 Oct 2007 In processing queue...
03. Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo
09 Oct 2007 In processing queue...
04. City of Great Racks
16 Oct 2007 In processing queue...
05. Putting Swim Fins on a Cat
24 Oct 2007 In processing queue...
06. Help Daddy Find His Toenail
31 Oct 2007 In processing queue...
07. The Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room
06 Nov 2007 In processing queue...
08. Is There a Mrs. Waffles?
13 Nov 2007 In processing queue...
09. Tight's Good
20 Nov 2007 In processing queue...
10. Kinda Like Necrophilia
27 Nov 2007 In processing queue...
11. Meander to Your Dander
18 Mar 2008 Watch Episode
12. A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh
25 Mar 2008 In processing queue...
13. The Soil Is Moist
01 Apr 2008 In processing queue...
14. Winky-Dink Time
15 Apr 2008 In processing queue...
15. Rough Night In Hump Junction
22 Apr 2008 In processing queue...
16. Look At Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty
29 Apr 2008 In processing queue...
17. Fish in a Drawer
06 May 2008 In processing queue...
18. If My Hole Could Talk
13 May 2008 In processing queue...
19. Waiting for the Right Snapper
20 May 2008 In processing queue...
Season 6
(1 of 24 available)
01. Taterhead Is Our Love Child
23 Sep 2008 In processing queue...
02. Pie Hole, Herb
30 Sep 2008 In processing queue...
03. Damn You, Eggs Benedict
07 Oct 2008 In processing queue...
04. The Flavin' and the Mavin'
14 Oct 2008 In processing queue...
05. A Jock Strap in Hell
21 Oct 2008 In processing queue...
06. It's Always Nazi Week
04 Nov 2008 In processing queue...
07. Best H.O. Money Can Buy
11 Nov 2008 In processing queue...
08. Pinocchio's Mouth
18 Nov 2008 In processing queue...
09. The Mooch at the Boo
25 Nov 2008 In processing queue...
10. He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited
09 Dec 2008 In processing queue...
11. The Devil's Lube
16 Dec 2008 In processing queue...
12. Thank God for Scoliosis
13 Jan 2009 In processing queue...
13. I Think You Offended Don
20 Jan 2009 Watch Episode
14. David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie
03 Feb 2009 In processing queue...
15. I'd Like to Start with the Cat
10 Feb 2009 In processing queue...
16. She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime
03 Mar 2009 In processing queue...
17. The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?
10 Mar 2009 In processing queue...
18. My Son's Enormous Head
17 Mar 2009 In processing queue...
19. The Two Finger Rule
31 Mar 2009 In processing queue...
20. Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau
14 Apr 2009 In processing queue...
21. Above Exalted Cyclops
28 Apr 2009 In processing queue...
22. Sir Lancelot's Litter Box
05 May 2009 In processing queue...
23. Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth
12 May 2009 In processing queue...
24. Baseball Was Better With Steroids
19 May 2009 In processing queue...
Season 7
(20 of 22 available)
01. 818-JKLPUZO
22 Sep 2009 Watch Episode
02. Whipped Unto the Third Generation
29 Sep 2009 Watch Episode
03. Mmm, Fish. Yum.
06 Oct 2009 In processing queue...
04. Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator
13 Oct 2009 Watch Episode
05. For the Sake of the Child
20 Oct 2009 Watch Episode
06. Give Me Your Thumb
03 Nov 2009 Watch Episode
07. Untainted By Filth
10 Nov 2009 Watch Episode
08. Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle.
17 Nov 2009 In processing queue...
09. Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair
24 Nov 2009 Watch Episode
10. That's Why They Call It Ball Room
08 Dec 2009 Watch Episode
11. Warning, It's Dirty
16 Dec 2009 Watch Episode
12. Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste
12 Jan 2010 Watch Episode
13. Yay, No Polyps!
19 Jan 2010 Watch Episode
14. Crude and Uncalled For
02 Feb 2010 Watch Episode
15. Aye, Aye, Captain Douche
09 Feb 2010 Watch Episode
16. Tinkle Like a Princess
02 Mar 2010 Watch Episode
17. I Found Your Moustache
09 Mar 2010 Watch Episode
18. Ixnay on the Oggie Day
23 Mar 2010 Watch Episode
19. Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave
13 Apr 2010 Watch Episode
20. I Called Him Magoo
11 May 2010 Watch Episode
21. Gumby with a Pokey
18 May 2010 Watch Episode
22. This Is Not Gonna End Well
25 May 2010 Watch Episode
Season 8
(16 of 16 available)
01. Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud
21 Sep 2010 Watch Episode
02. A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer
28 Sep 2010 Watch Episode
03. A Pudding-Filled Cactus
05 Oct 2010 Watch Episode
04. Hookers, Hookers, Hookers
12 Oct 2010 Watch Episode
05. The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel
19 Oct 2010 Watch Episode
06. Twanging Your Magic Clanger
26 Oct 2010 Watch Episode
07. The Crazy Bitch Gazette
02 Nov 2010 Watch Episode
08. Springtime on a Stick
09 Nov 2010 Watch Episode
09. A Good Time in Central Africa
16 Nov 2010 Watch Episode
10. Ow, Ow, Don't Stop
23 Nov 2010 Watch Episode
11. Dead from the Waist Down
07 Dec 2010 Watch Episode
12. Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead
14 Dec 2010 Watch Episode
13. Skunk, Dogcrap and Ketchup
04 Jan 2011 Watch Episode
14. Lookin' for Japanese Subs
18 Jan 2011 Watch Episode
15. Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak
08 Feb 2011 Watch Episode
16. That Darn Priest
15 Feb 2011 Watch Episode
Season 9
(21 of 24 available)
01. Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
20 Sep 2011 Watch Episode
02. People Who Love Peepholes
27 Sep 2011 Watch Episode
03. Big Girls Don't Throw Food
04 Oct 2011 Watch Episode
04. Nine Magic Fingers
11 Oct 2011 Watch Episode
05. A Giant Cat Holding a Churro
18 Oct 2011 Watch Episode
06. The Squat and the Hover
25 Oct 2011 Watch Episode
07. Those Fancy Japanese Toilets
01 Nov 2011 Watch Episode
08. Thank You for the Intercourse
08 Nov 2011 Watch Episode
09. Frodo's Headshots
15 Nov 2011 Watch Episode
10. A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
22 Nov 2011 Watch Episode
11. What a Lovely Landing Strip
06 Dec 2011 Watch Episode
12. One False Move, Zimbabwe!
13 Dec 2011 In processing queue...
13. Slowly and in a Circular Fashion
03 Jan 2012 Watch Episode
14. A Possum On Chemo
17 Jan 2012 Watch Episode
15. The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
07 Feb 2012 Watch Episode
16. Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy
14 Feb 2012 Watch Episode
17. Not in My Mouth!
21 Feb 2012 Watch Episode
18. The War Against Gingivitis
28 Feb 2012 Watch Episode
19. Palmdale, Ech
20 Mar 2012 In processing queue...
20. Grandma's Pie
10 Apr 2012 Watch Episode
21. Mr. Hose Says 'Yes'
17 Apr 2012 In processing queue...
22. Why We Gave Up Women
01 May 2012 Watch Episode
23. The Straw in My Donut Hole
08 May 2012 Watch Episode
24. Oh Look! Al-Qaeda!
15 May 2012 Watch Episode
Season 10
(22 of 23 available)
01. I Changed My Mind About the Milk
28 Sep 2012 Watch Episode
02. A Big Bag of Dog
05 Oct 2012 Watch Episode
03. Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
12 Oct 2012 Watch Episode
04. You Do Know What the Lollipop Is For
19 Oct 2012 Watch Episode
05. That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam
26 Oct 2012 Watch Episode
06. Ferrets, Attack
02 Nov 2012 Watch Episode
07. Avoid the Chinese Mustard
09 Nov 2012 Watch Episode
08. Something My Gynecologist Said
16 Nov 2012 Watch Episode
09. I Scream When I Pee
30 Nov 2012 Watch Episode
10. One Nut Johnson
07 Dec 2012 Watch Episode
11. Give Santa a Tail-Hole
14 Dec 2012 Watch Episode
12. Welcome to Alancrest
04 Jan 2013 Watch Episode
13. Grab a Feather and Get in Line
11 Jan 2013 Watch Episode
14. Run, Steven Staven! Run!
01 Feb 2013 Watch Episode
15. Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It
08 Feb 2013 Watch Episode
16. Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby
15 Feb 2013 Watch Episode
17. Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries
22 Feb 2013 Watch Episode
18. The 9:04 from Pemberton
08 Mar 2013 Watch Episode
19. Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon
15 Mar 2013 In processing queue...
20. Bazinga! That's from a TV Show
05 Apr 2013 Watch Episode
21. Another Night with Neil Diamond
26 Apr 2013 Watch Episode
22. My Bodacious Vidalia
03 May 2013 Watch Episode
23. Cows, Prepare to be Tipped
10 May 2013 Watch Episode
Season 11
(17 of 22 available)
01. Nangnangnangnang
27 Sep 2013 Watch Episode
02. I Think I Banged Lucille Ball
04 Oct 2013 Watch Episode
03. This Unblessed Biscuit
11 Oct 2013 Watch Episode
04. Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank
18 Oct 2013 Watch Episode
05. Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
25 Oct 2013 Watch Episode
06. Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
08 Nov 2013 Watch Episode
07. Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie
15 Nov 2013 Watch Episode
08. Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
22 Nov 2013 In processing queue...
09. Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer
06 Dec 2013 Watch Episode
10. On Vodka, On Soda, On Blender, On Mixer!
13 Dec 2013 Watch Episode
11. Tazed In the Lady Nuts
03 Jan 2014 Watch Episode
12. Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
10 Jan 2014 In processing queue...
13. Bite Me, Supreme Court
31 Jan 2014 Watch Episode
14. Three Fingers of Creme De Menthe
07 Feb 2014 In processing queue...
15. Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
28 Feb 2014 In processing queue...
16. How to Get Rid of Alan Harper
07 Mar 2014 In processing queue...
17. Welcome Home, Jake
14 Mar 2014 Watch Episode
18. West Side Story
04 Apr 2014 Watch Episode
19. Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang
11 Apr 2014 Watch Episode
20. Lotta Delis In Little Armenia
25 Apr 2014 Watch Episode
21. Dial 1-900-Mix-a-Lot
02 May 2014 Watch Episode
22. Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead
09 May 2014 Watch Episode
Season 12
(2 of 16 available)
01. The Ol' Mexican Spinach
31 Oct 2014 In processing queue...
02. A Chic Bar in Ibiza
07 Nov 2014 In processing queue...
03. Glamping in a Yurt
14 Nov 2014 In processing queue...
04. Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
21 Nov 2014 In processing queue...
05. Oontz, Oontz, Oontz
28 Nov 2014 In processing queue...
06. Alan Shot a Little Girl
05 Dec 2014 In processing queue...
07. Sex with an Animated Ed Asner
12 Dec 2014 In processing queue...
08. Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey
19 Dec 2014 In processing queue...
09. Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
09 Jan 2015 In processing queue...
10. Here I Come, Pants!
16 Jan 2015 In processing queue...
11. For Whom the Booty Calls
23 Jan 2015 In processing queue...
12. A Beer Battered Rip-Off
30 Jan 2015 In processing queue...
13. Boompa Loved His Hookers
06 Feb 2015 In processing queue...
14. Don’t Give a Monkey a Gun
13 Feb 2015 In processing queue...
15. Of Course He's Dead (1)
20 Feb 2015 Watch Episode
16. Of Course He's Dead (2)
20 Feb 2015 Watch Episode